Eight Years

Eight years ago I read a book, which led me to a website which stabbed at my heart and opened up my spirit to hear the Lord saying, "this is what I want for you."

And once the Lord calls and you accept- you try really REALLY hard to make it happen. Like now. But that is not exactly how He works. Just ask Abraham and Sarah. I tried to manipulate my situation a few times to make His promise come true faster, just like Sarah, but He always reigned me in before things got too crazy and little Ishmaels entered the world. (just so you know this is a metaphor for my desire to do tribal church planting, and in no way have I ever considered my giving my slave girl to my husband to produce an heir... And in no way have I ever had a slave girl.) I have to admit, though, that I always thought that Sarah was completely crazy for what she did, but after these eight long years I can tell you that it is hard to wait for God's promises...because they are so good.

But that is what makes them so good. They are His to give, freely and with perfect timing. And anything we add to them makes them false. Just manipulations of our own hands which are nothing more than idols. Our own sad interpretations of what God is trying to give us. Stupid shiny golden calves. If we would just wait a little longer...

I can't imagine where I would be if I had given up on this promise. If I had decided that God was taking too long, so I should move on to something else. I am thankful everyday that He reminded me that He keeps His Word... so thankful that I could read story after story of His relationship with other people- people just like me with whom He never failed to fulfill a promise. And so thankful that He broke my heart over and over again for those people who did not have those stories- those testimonies those words to read to encourage them when God gives them a promise and at year six they are still waiting and wondering.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for eight years of dreaming, and thinking, and planning, and praying, and training, and praying, and crying, and begging, and praying, and rejoicing. Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to allow me a small part in your Kingdom. Thank you that I get to start tomorrow.