They Still Had to Fight

I have been hesitant to write this post, because it seems like every time I write something about our plans, or why we are doing what we're doing, everything immediately changes and then I am writing a completely different post explaining those changes. But, the truths I am discussing here don't change even if our plans do, so I decided not to be animistic in my thinking that saying these words will bring about some sort of doom and gloom and forge ahead.

Many people have asked us why we are still pursuing our life and ministry in PNG. Other people have suggested that our trials with the tribal fighting, and my health and all the times we have had to leave our village unexpectedly are pointing to the fact that God no longer wants us in there. I would be lying if I said those thoughts never crossed my mind, but so far I don't believe them to be true.

I know God legitimately takes people out of certain ministries and works everyday for reasons that seem much less serious than ours, and I am not naive enough to believe that He would never do that with us.

However...

When I read His word lately what jumps out at me most is the people He has called to any certain task must FIGHT in order to achieve that calling. Sure, God does the miraculous on their behalf. He does things that man cannot, but He doesn't leave them on the sidelines eating popcorn and enjoying the show. They are in the middle of everything- usually with a sword in their hands.

Joshua and the Israelites saw God bring down the Wall of Jericho, but then they had to enter into a fight to take the city. Each city in the Promised Land after that God delivered to the Israelites still included a fight. God gave it to them, allowed them to win those battles, but they still had to engage in the battle in the first place.

When God delivered the Jews from Haman's evil scheme through Queen Esther, the Jews still had to spend the entire day fighting for their lives. God saved them from utter annihilation, but they still had to pick up their swords and defend themselves all day from the enemies who wanted to destroy them.

And then I came to the story of King David. As a young boy God anointed him as the next King of Israel. And then He lifted him out of the fields of sheep and plopped him directly on the throne where he lived Happily Ever After.  No, that's not right... Biblical scholars believe that there was approximately fifteen years between the time David was anointed by the prophet Samuel and the time he was crowned king. FIFTEEN years. And those years were not filled with him just ushering around a bunch of sheep at his dad's house. They were filled with running, hiding, and fighting for his life. Plenty of reasons to just say, "Maybe that old guy was just crazy, and I'm not really called to be King. Maybe it wasn't really what God wanted. It would be easier than this if it was His Will. I'll just go back to the sheep. The sheep aren't trying to stab me with spears."

And when we get to the New Testament we see the "missionary" Paul struggling and fighting many obstacles and persecutions in order to spread the Good News. He even says in Acts 20 that the Holy Spirit warns him that there will be prison and hardships in every city he sets out for. EVERY CITY. He goes to these places knowing that there will be a fight. In 1 Thessalonians he mentions Satan blocking his way back to the church there, and how he kept pressing on and trying to find a way back to them, eventually sending Timothy in his place. The only time he gives up on an idea of place that he should go to preach is when the Holy Spirit prevents him from doing so. This is the only time he doesn't fight. (Acts 16) And then notice it doesn't say that it was some difficulty that prevented it. The Holy Spirit has already warned him about difficulty. It wasn't hardship, or beatings, or persecutions, or sickness or a pancreas that prevented him from going. Only the Holy Spirit.

Right now, we do not believe that the Holy Spirit is blocking us from going back to PNG. That may change in a month, a week, or even an hour. But right now, in this moment, and all the moments before, we have been confident that the Lord hasn't changed our direction.

So we keep fighting. Even though our hearts are tired and just need like 5 minutes. Even though it would be so much easier to just let it all go, and live in America where I can go to the doctor every time I stub my toe and where there are specific doctors designated for every part of the body. Yes, that would be easier. And honestly, that would be better for me physically. But it was also better for Paul physically to NOT be beaten every time he stepped across the border into a new city.

But as Paul said in the very next verse following the warning of the Holy Spirit,

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."Acts 20:24

And our aim is the same as Paul's. To finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given us- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace- and specifically to the Hewa people. But the truth is that even if the calling specifically to the Hewa people changes tomorrow, the task of testifying to the good news of His grace will never change. That is a task that we will not complete until we enter into His Presence. 

Pancreas 2, George Family 0

My pancreas took us out of the tribe and is now taking us out of Papua New Guinea. After three months with little to no change in my pancreatic enzyme levels, my doctor here and my rheumatologist in America said it was time to come back to the US to figure out what is going on and how to treat it.

Based on the tests I had in Australia in May, it looked like autoimmune pancreatitis, which makes since because of my autoimmune diseases.However, I was already on immunosuppresssants, so it shouldn't have happened in the first place. So, we are going to do more tests, and hopefully find a new medicine that works for my joint pain and my pancreatitis. We leave the country tomorrow to start our journey back to America.

My doctor suggested we stay in the US for a year to make sure that whatever treatment I am on will work long term, before we come back to PNG where we have no access to advanced medical care.

We are frustrated and confused about this turn of events in our lives and ministry, but are trying really hard to focus on the Lord and trust Him in all things.

Though, I can't help but continually ask "Why?"

My husband was just beginning to teach elder and deacon lessons to the Hewa believers - a major step in them developing a strong, healthy, and independent church.

We've had so many interruptions over the last two years that have kept us going in and out of the tribe, and made our family life full of upheaval and instability. For the last two years the longest we have been in one place is four months. FOUR MONTHS!! And that four months was March to July of 2016. We did have a 3 month stretch in the tribe in 2017 (May through August), and that is longest we'd been in one place for the last year.

I've been begging God for stability for our family and a long stretch in one place (particularly our house in the village), but He decided to answer that prayer in America instead.

My mind drifts to the many possible answers to the "Why?" Could it just be spiritual warfare? Satan trying to stop God's message from spreading through a territory that he has had claim over for centuries?

More frequently, though, I continually wonder, "Is it my fault?" (classic child of divorce)
I read the parable of the talents and wonder if I'm the unfaithful servant? I think of all the ways I have failed in our ministry life and think maybe I've just wasted everything God gave to me and now it is being taken away.

And I also wonder if it is just the consequences of the sinful world we live in and that sickness, death, and chaos are part of that and something we will have to persevere through until Jesus comes back. And it doesn't really have anything to do with me or my actions, specifically, except for how I respond- either in faith or frustration. Either dying to self or wallowing self-pity.

The truth is, it could be any of these, or a million other reasons, and all of the responses are the same. God's response to me is the same. He is faithful, He will not abandon me, even if everything is all my fault. He will work to restore my life and relationship to Him always. And He will fight for me, my family, and the Hewa people whom He loves no matter what the cause of all the frustration. And my response should be the same...repent of my areas of sin and unfaithfulness and trust Him with whatever He wants to do in my life, my family's lives, and the lives of the Hewa believers. And persevere through all circumstances.

When we left the tribe, my friend Emiyas came to say goodbye, and I told her I was really sorry we were leaving them and did not want to go. I told her I was scared that we wouldn't be able to come back, but we were going to try our hardest to at least stay in PNG, so John Michael could come in and out of the tribe to teach. She told me, "Jessi, stop thinking on this. Think only on God. Only He knows what will happen. Will you stay here? Will you go to America? Will you live? Will you die? Only God knows these things. So think only on Him and nothing else."

Emiyas saying goodbye to and encouraging me the night before we left the tribe.

Such a challenge in all this. I have one billion things that my brain wants to think about during this huge transition. But I will try to heed my sister's very solid advice and think only on Him.

"I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely." Psalm 63:6

"And I said, “This is my fate: the Most High has turned his hand against me.” But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works." Psalm 77:10-12

"I rise early, before the sun is up: I cry out for help and put my hope in your words. I stay awake through the night, thinking about your promise." Psalm 119:147-148

My Pancreas has a Name

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We are back out in town (again) thanks to my pancreas (again).

In my last post I mentioned that it was just gently waving at me so I wouldn’t forget it.  For the last month it has decided to gently punch me, so I will give it lots of attention.

I have decided that my pancreas has developed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

I guess in “reality” it has developed autoimmune pancreatitis, but no matter what you call it, it's continually disrupting my entire life.  I can only eat small portions of bland foods, and we have had to come out of the tribe so that I can be monitored more closely by our mission doctors. At this point we have no idea when/if we will be able to go back to the tribe full-time. John Michael will still make trips in and out to continue with discipleship and teaching the Hewa church, but we know that as family we will be at the mission center for an indefinite period of time. And worst- case scenario, if I do not improve in the next month or so then we will have to go back to America so I can been seen by a rheumatologist and gastroenterologist.

So… yeah… basically, my pancreas is taking over all our lives and making our world revolve around it. I would say that is pretty narcissistic.

Rather than thinking about how our lives might totally change forever and dealing with my emotions in a healthy manner, I decided to do what I always do and deflect with humor and sarcasm.  

The treatments for autoimmune pancreatitis have not helped, so maybe if I just give in to my pancreas’s need for attention we will see some results. Like maybe I will give it it’s own facebook, twitter, instagram, and any other social media pages that I am not cool enough to know about right now.  I have no doubt that its pages will be filled with duck-faced selfies with all my other organs being cropped out of every picture.

A couple of people suggested that I give it a name, which I thought was a great idea. At first I decided that because it was being pretentious and annoying, it needed a hipster name, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my pancreas actually has a celebrity doppelganger and must be named after her.

You see in both the MRI I had done in Australia in May and in the ultrasound I had last week, the “tail” of my pancreas was the area that contained the inflammation and therefore enlarged.

In the strictest of medical terms, my pancreas has a fat tail. 

So with the fat tail, the constant need for attention, and being totally high-maintenance, I have decided that my pancreas shall be named Kim Kardashian. They are basically twins, so this is really the most appropriate option. If I had any of the images from either the MRI or ultrasound I would put up comparison pictures, but I don’t so you will just have to take my word for it.

For now, here is a picture of the human Kim Kardashian*. Now just picture her tiny and living underneath my liver and you will know exactly what pancreas Kim Kardashian looks like in my body. 

If my pancreas was on social media, I'm pretty sure this is all you'd see.

* It was actually quite difficult to find a picture to add here. The human Kim Kardashian has blessed the internet with many MANY duck-faced selfies, so quantity was not the problem, but finding one where she is wearing adequate clothing was kind of like searching for the lost city of Atlantis. Like most treasure hunters, I had to decide if I wanted to invest so much time in something that probably doesn’t even exist.  But, alas, I prevailed. So take heart all those who hunt for the treasures of myth and legend! If human Kim Kardashian can be found in clothes on the internet, then anything is possible!
 

Three Months

After our whirlwind trip to Australia to find out that I had autoimmune pancreatitis, we returned to Hewa with cautious optimism. I have to admit that we were reluctant to post or write about any plans because it seemed like as soon as we did those things our plans would change dramatically.

But we went back into the tribe...and actually stayed there for three months like we planned and then recently came out again for me to have my routine blood work. All those labs came back fine, except my pancreas is still acting a little funny. Not enough to cause alarm or another trip out of the country, but it's just like my pancreas got tired of being ignored my whole life and just can't let go of what little attention we gave it last Spring.

It's just waving its little hand to say, "Hi, I'm still here. Don't forget about me."

Over the last three months my husband made some videos of our time in the tribe, and I thought I would post them here (because who reads blogs anymore??)

Here are the links for you to enjoy!

My husband teaching 1 Thessalonians:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP6-PNHgaQ8

A walk to "church":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OVJoEUSgGU

Checking on a sick child:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G92hj-Hl4To

Random fun stuff:

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCkmgX7QlAs

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XoAWaWkiFw

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBpkDQRGtJQ

Comings and Goings

We arrived back in PNG on February 25th. Four days later I got sick with a bad stomach bug. Four days later I got better.

We flew to the coast to our mission center there and attended our annual missionary conference for eight days. We flew back to the mission center here in Goroka.

A week later I got another bad stomach bug. This one lasted for eight days before I went to the doctor for some antibiotics, assuming I had some sort of amoeba or infection.

I ended up spending two days on IV fluids because along with the infection, I had pancreatitis. The antibiotics worked and I felt better...just not ALL the way better.

Our doctor was kind enough to let me go home with my IV. Notice it hanging from the curtain rod here.

I went back to the clinic last Tuesday because I was still having stomach pain and it turns out that I am still having pancreatitis, and my pancreatic enzymes are increasing even though my stomach bug is gone. Our doctor here did every test he possibly could to figure out why this was happening, but nothing showed up.

So after just two months in the country, we are leaving... again. We are packing up to spend at least two weeks in Cairns, Australia to get to the bottom of my grumpy pancreas. Our hope is that it is my gallbladder that is causing the pancreatitis, I can have it removed in Australia, and then come back quickly to PNG and head back into the tribe.

Our worse case scenario is that they can't find a source for the pancreatitis and I have to come back to America until it resolves or we find a reason.

BIG SIGH.

So yeah...we're tired, and frustrated, and broke from all the unexpected medical and travel expenses that are CONTINUALLY happening to our family. We are having a really hard time understanding why we keep getting derailed when all we want to do is JUST GO BACK TO THE JUNGLE AND FINISH OUR WORK.

We are so close. We feel like if things would just BE NORMAL we could probably finish the Hewa work in three or four years. BUT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE IN HEWA TO DO IT!!

I will admit that I'm kinda giving God the side eye right now... "Not sure what you're doing here, Lord. I'm pretty sure you want the Hewa people to know your Word and be discipled into maturity, but you keep pulling the missionaries you sent in there out..." (ps- our coworkers are currently out of the tribe as well helping their daughter who was recently diagnosed with a life-long debilitating disease...see what I mean? Side Eye)

John Michael just flew into Hewa last week to tell the people that we would be moving back soon. They were so worried that our coworkers were never going to come back, and that we would never be able to come back because of my sickness, and he reassured them that I was getting better and we would see them in two weeks. Now, who knows? And their radio is broken, so we can't even tell them. My heart hurts just thinking about that.

JM took this picture of my friend Ana and her baby Jon for me last time he was in Hewa. He was just a tiny infant when I last saw him.

Just some kids hanging out at my house playing with the blocks we keep on the porch for them. I really can't wait to just sit on those rocks and watch them play with my girls again.

And then I just wonder WHY? Why, God, did you call us to this work, this life, if you knew we would have all these health problems? Surely someone more healthy and capable could accomplish this task in a more timely and more economical manner. But then I remember reading a biography on the the life of Lottie Moon, a single missionary woman to China in the late 1800s/early 1900s who was questioned by someone about why she thinks God sent her- a single woman- to a place that obviously needed men in ministry. Her answer was that maybe God called a man first, but he didn't go, so He called Lottie Moon and she said "yes".

So maybe that's it. Maybe God has called some really healthy people to the mission and they said no, so here we are. Fighting with our feeble bodies and depending on God to get us through one issue after another. And we'll just keep doing it until we can't anymore or until it's finished because we said, "Yes."

For now we will trust Him to get us through this, and praise Him that all our troubles have been ones with resolutions. We have many friends and co-workers dealing with so much worse right now, and their testimonies of trust and faith in our God encourage us to keep going... and to be thankful that we CAN keep going... and coming...and going...and coming...and going.

And we find comfort in the fact that-

" the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:8