Life Verse

"So what have you been doing while you're out here?"

That is the million dollar question for the moment. The answer is pretty simple though... pretty much the same thing I did in the tribe...

Homeschooling with a capital "H" there are three of them now. Three little home schoolers in three different grades, so that takes up most of my life no matter where I am. (The two older girls could probably go to the "real school" here, but for the love, I already paid $$$$ for this homeschool curriculum we are using and chucking that out the window and paying school fees would be like flushing cash money, precious moola, hunnit dolla bills y'all, straight down the toilet). 

So, yeah, I'm homeschooling and cooking and cleaning and just being a regular wife minus the "tribal". My day actually doesn't look that different. It is just missing a dozen or so interruptions to answer knocks on my door coughs outside my kitchen window and late afternoon hang out/string bag weaving with the Hewa ladies. But I am missing those things terribly right now.

In Papua New Guinea town is not all that different from the tribe. There is constant power (only because our mission base has a generator) and internet (that we pay too much money for), but those are the biggest of the very few perks that town has over tribe. I have to admit that I have shouted a few "UGH! It's not fair" sentiments at my computer when my other missionary friends in other countries come out of the jungle and are all like "We ordered pizza tonight guys!" #Godisgood #blessed #missionarylife on instagram. (Don't worry they do the same thing to every missionary who has been here less than a year and finishes learning our national language. The struggles are real in all countries. Different but real.)

Anyway, that's what I'm doing.

"How are you doing?"

Is the next biggest question. (The thousand dollar question??? I'm unsure of the monetary hierarchy of interrogatives. Sue me. But I don't have a lot of money. I do, however, have a million dollar question and a question of "questionable" worth...see what I did there...you can have those if you like.) 

 The answer to the question of questionable worth is not so simple. It changes minute to minute. Maybe even second to second. Some seconds I feel, "I can do this. It's just two more months. I can do anything for two months." Then the next second I think, "I can't do this. It is TWO MORE MONTHS!! Two more months of sitting here feeling like I'm doing nothing. Feeling like each day has no real purpose. That everything I'm doing is meaningless. Some days I lock myself in a room and cry it out because my husband asked me a Hewa-language related question that I couldn't answer (cough cough...today). Some days I'm not sure if it's really all that is going on in the tribe, or just my *hormones or maybe a combination of both that has my emotions all over the place.

It's funny that word. Meaningless...Somewhere the foundations of my formative years I got this idea that everything I did had to have meaning. Importance. Real significance. Then one day I read these verses from Ecclesiastes chapter 1...

“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”

What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles. Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea. Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new. We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.

 

Isn't that amazing?! I have a confession to make. Eccelsiates 1:2 is my Life Verse. People ask me this all the time, and I immediately panic. "What's your favorite verse?" or "What's your life verse?" Is a favorite thing to ask a missionary. I usually panic and say something random like Numbers 1:17 or something expected like John 3:16. But truthfully, this verse...these verses opened my eyes to see the truth of finding meaning and purpose in this life. They set the stones to the path I would choose to walk. Only if I choose to work for/towards the eternal would I find true meaning.

 

This earth is only temporary. Praise the Lord. This horrible, terrible, no good place, and its dirty, rotten perverted, prejudiced, pathetic, occupants won't be here forever.  Nothing we do here for here has any meaning. The only things that hold any value are things that will carry over into eternity. Things done for the souls of men. For the glory of God. These and these alone will have true meaning. And that truth ruined my life. But in the ruining of my life there was also a lot of freedom. I saw my future stretched out and knew that I could only pursue what was eternal. I would never be satisfied with trying to gain "the American Dream."  That dream looks different for a lot people. It doesn't mean that everyone who lives in America is only living for the dream. It is the passionate pursuit of comfort and contentment in your own interests, hobbies, and desires here on this earth. It means you live for the temporary and not for the eternal. There are multitudes of people living in America, not living for the American Dream, but living for the Kingdom of God. The everlasting Kingdom. And I knew I had no choice but to become one of the latter. 

I'm not saying that every single thing I do has eternal significance, or that I'm super important to the work that God is doing. In fact, I'm kinda low on the payroll of significant tasks in the Kingdom work. I may not ever translate a verse in the Bible or teach a lesson in Hewa, but I feed the one who does. I'm the kitchen help. The blue collar worker, so to speak. But, what I gained from those verses was the fact that the overarching theme of my days had to be about God and His glory no matter where I was or what I was going to do...like if I was going to spend my life in the kitchen my soul wouldn't be at ease being **Beyoncé's personal chef. If I'm going to spend my life in the kitchen, then it needs to be working for a burly Southern boy with an out-of-control ginger beard who is spending his days with axe-murders turned preachers in a remote jungle.

I say all that to simply say this. I am constantly reminded through His Word and His Holy Spirit that these days are not meaningless. The Lord has ordained them and He is using them - somehow, someway, for His glory and good purpose. Sometimes he ordains days of action, sometimes he ordains days...or months of waiting. But no matter what the days hold or where they are held they swell to the brim with meaning. 

*When you have a partial hysterectomy, it is hard to keep up with the cycle of hormones that may or may not have you crying over an untied shoelace. My best suggestion to know whether or not your feelings are real or not is by reading Proverbs 31. When you read Proverbs 31 do you feel like 

a) These are some suggestions/thoughts that I can strive for in my own life and cultural context in order to please the Lord as a woman.

b) This is the most overwhelmed I have ever felt in my life. I am not now, nor ever will be any of these things. There is no way that Jesus can love me. I should probably go buy and plant a vineyard right now, and learn to spin wool and linen.

c) This lady is a real B. Thanks for making the rest of us look like jerks Proverbs 31 lady! I bet you invented Pinterest too! 

d) Obviously, a man wrote this. Sure King Lemuel it was teachings from "your mother" psha. 

If you answered b, c, or d - it is probably your hormones. Now you know. You're welcome. 

 

**Beyoncé's chef might be a believer who spends his/her days praying for, loving, and serving celebrities in order to show them the love of God and therefore has just as much meaning as my cooking for the Ginger Beard. However, if I were in this position I would totally lose all sight of eternity and get lost in the glamour of  the lives of people whose entire job is to look pretty and make people dance. God knows me and loved me enough to not allow me to be Beyoncé's chef.