We are back out in town (again) thanks to my pancreas
(again).
In my last post I mentioned that it was just gently waving
at me so I wouldn’t forget it. For
the last month it has decided to gently punch me, so I will give it lots of
attention.
I have decided that my pancreas has developed Narcissistic
Personality Disorder.
I guess in “reality” it has developed autoimmune
pancreatitis, but no matter what you call it, it's continually disrupting my
entire life. I can only eat small
portions of bland foods, and we have had to come out of the tribe so that I can
be monitored more closely by our mission doctors. At this point we have no idea
when/if we will be able to go back to the tribe full-time. John Michael will
still make trips in and out to continue with discipleship and teaching the Hewa
church, but we know that as family we will be at the mission center for an
indefinite period of time. And worst- case scenario, if I do not improve in the
next month or so then we will have to go back to America so I can been seen by
a rheumatologist and gastroenterologist.
So… yeah… basically, my pancreas is taking over all our
lives and making our world revolve around it. I would say that is pretty
narcissistic.
Rather than thinking about how our lives might totally
change forever and dealing with my emotions in a healthy manner, I decided to
do what I always do and deflect with humor and sarcasm.
The treatments for autoimmune pancreatitis have not helped,
so maybe if I just give in to my pancreas’s need for attention we will see some
results. Like maybe I will give it it’s own facebook, twitter, instagram, and
any other social media pages that I am not cool enough to know about right now.
I have no doubt that its pages
will be filled with duck-faced selfies with all my other organs being cropped
out of every picture.
A couple of people suggested that I give it a name, which I thought
was a great idea. At first I decided that because it was being
pretentious and annoying, it needed a hipster name, but the more I thought
about it, the more I realized that my pancreas actually has a celebrity
doppelganger and must be named after her.
You see in both the MRI I had done in Australia in May and
in the ultrasound I had last week, the “tail” of my pancreas was the area that
contained the inflammation and therefore enlarged.
So with the fat tail, the constant need for attention, and
being totally high-maintenance, I have decided that my pancreas shall be named
Kim Kardashian. They are basically twins, so this is really the most
appropriate option. If I had any of the images from either the MRI or ultrasound I
would put up comparison pictures, but I don’t so you will just have to take my
word for it.
For now, here is a picture of the human Kim Kardashian*. Now
just picture her tiny and living underneath my liver and you will know exactly
what pancreas Kim Kardashian looks like in my body.
 |
| If my pancreas was on social media, I'm pretty sure this is all you'd see. |
* It was actually quite difficult to find a picture to add
here. The human Kim Kardashian has blessed the internet with many MANY
duck-faced selfies, so quantity was not the problem, but finding one where she
is wearing adequate clothing was kind of like searching for the lost city of
Atlantis. Like most treasure hunters, I had to decide if I wanted to invest so
much time in something that probably doesn’t even exist. But, alas, I prevailed. So take heart
all those who hunt for the treasures of myth and legend! If human Kim
Kardashian can be found in clothes on the internet, then anything is possible!
